Deadpool's totally awesome crossover
by uwotm898
Summary: Heya guys it's me ya boy DP! Anyways I got my ass trapped in another dimension. I'm now kicking ass and taking names and it's a miracle I'm not doing it in a green suit, cheers! However, due to the plot convience the laziness of the writer I get a few unexplained upgrades later in the story. Chapter 1 Complete! Next Chapter expected by Peter being unsnapped


**"HULK SMASH PUNY SWORD MAN!"** , yelled an emerald green muscular eight and a half foot beast of a man wearing ripped purple shorts, this was a man that was feared and respected throughout all parts of the world, this was the Gamma Physicst Bruce Banner's raged infuled alter-ego, The Incredible Hulk; the strongest one there is and the strongest one there ever will be.

A above average sized man, around 6'1 but with a buff figure dressed in Red and black spandex took a stance before he growled back with an extremely gritty voice; "Who are you callin _puny?_ I pack quite a punch, Ms. Ross reminded me how puny Wadey Wilson showed her a good time last night."

This was the man known simply and only as Wade Wilson and that was all that mattered to him, besides Tacos, Chimichangas, and women of course.

On the battlfield he went by multiple aliases; Weapon X-2, Stryker's pet, Wolverine's leftovers, The Merc with a mouth, Deadpool.

The Regenerating Dengenerate, ha ha ha ha suck it!, If you totally get the "Suck-It" reference then kudos to you sexy boy!

The Hulk screamed at Deadpool before charging at him with his Gamma Irradiated fists, Wilson then leapt into the air before he reached for a strap attached to his back and unsheathed a mettalic longblade and quickly slashed at the transformed Bruce Banner's skin.

The Hulk roared into the air as he gripped his shoulder and out oozed a deep crimson red from the area, Wade's grin could be seen from the outline within his mask and he started break dancing away from the Hulk.

"I do damage when I brandish my Katana's then I'll slice you up and vanish-"

In a flash of blue light Deadpool warped away from sight before reappearing on the Hulk's other, uninjured shoulder to the green scars surprise.

"In my ladybug pajamas, kinky right?", Deadpool tried his best to seductivetly whisper into the Hulks ear, which only served to increase his fury, using a unexpected speed The Gamma monster normally didn't possess, the Hulk snatched up Wilsons lower half and slammed him into the ground, but the Hulk wasn't done as he then again slung Wade into the opposite side, cracking both the flooring and his skull before repeating the same action another ten times and raising him in the air.

 **"PUNY SWORD MAN, LEAVE HULK ALONE!";** The Hulk roared into the sides of Deadpool's cracked open skull for he could hear it, well thats if Wade was still capable of understanding his enhanced five senses at the moment. Deadpool giggled before pressing his finger against the Hulk's nose.

"Boop."; the mercenary said in a high pitched whine "Got your nose, yes I doooooo, yes I dooooooooooo-!"

" _Oh SHIT, this is gonna hurt, not as much as Domino leaving me hurting but nevertheless FUCK!"_

The Enraged Bruce Banner moved his other arm to Wade shoulders while keeping his other arm wrapped around both of Wade's kneecaps before starting to pull each half of Deadpool into the opposite direction. The Hulk managed to pull Deadpool apart six inches until he was intterupted by both of Deadpool's twin katanas finding their way in way in each of the Hulk's eyes.

 **"RAAAH!"** ; Hulk screamed before dropping Deadpool slump on the ground, Deadpool crawled away on his stomach using his broken arms before a sharp pain rattled through his elongated lower half.

"Well momma always did say I would be having dem growin pains."; Deadpool stated in a slurred country accent before reaching to his utility belt and pulling out 3 small silver beads and tossing them inside the Hulks open mouth and grinning.

"Money Shot baby!"

A loud explosion was heard erupting from all of the Hulk's nasal cavities; his mouth, nose, and ears were filled with smoke and his eyes were completly blown out, rendering the Hulk Completly blind as he covered them and blood came gushing out from the sockets.

The Hulk then began swinging randomly into the air and ground and then started pounding the grown, Deadpool's upper and lower half snapped back together as he managed to stand to his feet.

Deadpool then rushed forward and used all of his two and a half tons of strength to knock the weakened Hulk off balance before jumping in the air and raising one of his Katanas vertically in the air above the Hulk's head, intent on delivering a killing blow until the Gamma Monster used his enhanced senses and swatted the Merc with a mouth away.

Deadpool then perfomed an aerial blackflip nearly stopping all of his monentum before skidding to a halt and charging again towards the Hulk.

"COWABUNGA, wait wrong franchise!"

Deadpool flipped behind the Hulk, who finally regained most of his vision, using all of his strength, Deadpool lifted the Hulk overhead and slammed him into the already battle damaged ground but Wade wasn't done, he reached into his side strapped and pulled off an already fully loaded Uźï before firing the entire magazine into the Hulk's skull. Most of the bullets simply bounced off of the Hulk's skull, but some managed to get lodged deep into his head leaving pools of his irradiated blood on the ground.

Wade had begun to reload and firethe Uźï as soon as seen the green scar slowly rise to his feet but the bullets progressively had less effect and barely fazed the gamma monster. The Hulk then grasped Deadpool's left hand which had the uzi before completly crushing, then ripping it out of his sockets.

Deadpool let out a loud grunt as he fell to his knees in pain, grasping where his arm used to be as he begun to let out an painful scream filled with multiple excremeties containing: "Shit", "Fuck" and "The 2012 Avengers Hulk that didn't even have a penis."

Hulk thrown a hook at The Mercenary which he dodged by flippig backwards into the air, that proved to be a mistake as the Hulk used his strength and clapped his hands together, the force from the blast obliterated half of Deadpool's right leg and sent him flying into an abandoned building.

The Hulk jumped into the crater of the building before attempting to slam his hands on Deadpool but the mercenrary was able to react and warp away having the Hulk complelty obliterate the floor beneath him. Wade then reappeared behind the Incredible Hulk before wrapping his leg around the Hulk neck.

"Your are just like me, you wont die, unless."

Deadpool pulled out a pair of frag grenades and begun stuffing the Hulk's mouth with them as quickly as he could with his could with his one arm remaining arm before backflipping off the Hulk's neck and tossing his katana towards the Hulk's foot, peircing his foot and holding him in place causing the Hulk to roar for a few brief seconds before he was engulfed in a spectacular explosion of green and red.

"Hey reader, if your wondering how fifteen frag grenades fucked up the Hulk, these are Gamma dampener frags, why because the plot demands so god damn it!"

Deadpool then lifted himself up then had begun hopping on his left leg as his new right leg was now fully formed but remained completly limp, Wilson then hoped over to where the crater of the Hulk was to see a Hulk with most of his flesh burnt off of his skeleton and he was missing the entirety of his right eye but the left still glared daggers at Deadpool.

"If I was to fight a mind-controlled Hulk from A.I.M, I should've gotten help froml Wolverine.", Wade stated before his mind wondered to his rival Logan, oh the goid times on how they ripped eachover to shreds multiple times, regenerated from it and ready to do it all over again.

"Hey Brucie or Hulkster, whoever is in there, I was hoping you'd get angry enough to break from the mind control and so far it's not working on how I expected, luckily for you, because of the plot I have a way to calm you down!", The Regenerating Degenerate said before pulling out a small watch and twisting it a certain way and engaging the small watch.

Hulk gritted his teeth and green smoke was seen coming out of his mouth, his eyeball had finished reforming before he let out a thunderous roar and leapt from the ground over to the merc, he was still in the air as golden sparks enulfed the air and a mettalic fist slammed into the jade giant's face, knocking him back away a city block away.

"Chapter one is finished, also eff the author for being such a cocktease but who is this mysterious figure who arrives to my aid?, find out on the next episode of Deadpool's regenerative balls Z!"


End file.
